Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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