New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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