you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
