Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
