I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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