I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
