Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
