pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
