How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
