Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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