my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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