Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
