Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
