Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
