I've blown a few things in my day
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
