he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
