Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
