There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
