Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize