The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So squirting runs in the family.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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