i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
