I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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