you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
