Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
