I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
