so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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