your parents love me but you hate me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
