He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I checked into jail on foursquare
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
