My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
only you would photoshop your dick
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
