I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
