He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
