I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
