I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
