i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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