Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
