i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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