You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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