Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
