Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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