i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
