i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
