:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
