Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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