He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
