how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
