Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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