Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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