I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
