i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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