Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
