On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.