it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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