I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
