wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
