Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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