I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
