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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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