turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
