I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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