This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
