bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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