hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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