They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
