yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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