I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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