come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
