Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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