Your dad touched me again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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