I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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